AN EMPTY CHAIR

Psychologists say that it is a good exercise to put an empty chair in front of you and imagine that somebody important is sitting there, and you have the chance to tell this person whatever you want to. Consequently, I have decided to follow this advice and try to do it myself. I do not know what is going to come out of this. I hope something good.

A few years ago, I met a man who is an engineer and a professor. He knows a lot about everything. Mechanics, electronics, computers drive him mad. He would spend the whole day working and working with no stop. Last year, his mother was very ill. She had cancer. He was devastated. The fact of his mother's death was something he could not understand. After a time, this woman passed away. And the world was upside down for my friend. I tried to be with him all the way long to support him because I had undergone the same experience once and I know about the pain and suffering. Anyway, I tried to be there and help him some how.

The problem arose when my feelings for this person started to changed. He was no longer a friend to me but the person I had fallen in love with. For a while, I had tried to avoy the fact of my wanting to be with him. The worst part was watching him cry and not being able to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be ok. Foolishly, I began to think that after all this sad period I would have the chance to tell him what my feelings were toward him. But this did not happen.

For a year or so, I had kept this secret in my heart. The desire to be with him did not go away. And neither my love. One day, I talked to a friend of mine who happens to be my best friend and he is a priest. I told him everything. Surprisingly, he advised me not to tell him. He did not say why. I was so sad. Since then, I continue to carry this on my own. But the burden was getting hevier and heavier.

A month ago, I told all this to a female friend because I was desperate. She told me to let him know the truth. That in this way, I was going to be at ease with me, and if this guy felt the same about me we could be together. Therefore, I called him and asked him to meet me whenever he could. Unluckily, this meeting never happened because of his job and mine also. One evening, he calls me. And he tells me that he did not have time for a reunion, so it was better to talk on the phone. I was so nervous. But I had a gold and I had to accomplish it.
After talking for a while, I tried to explain what was the purpose of this talk, and what my feelings were towards him. And that I did not expect nothing from him, except that he knows that I love him. At this point, all I wanted was a reasonable answer, but he only said that he was glad for knowing this, and that he appreciated all this love I had in me. And this was the end.

In my empty chair, I would like to sit him. I have got so many questions to ask him. So here I go.

First of all, I would like to know WHY did you disappear since that telephone call. I did not tell you a terrible thing. I said I loved you. Nothing else. Secondly, you told me once that once you were in my place, so WHY didn't you send me a message at least to know if I was ok. Not just some stupid e-mail with words that were not even yours but from Garcia Marquez. Thirdly, WHY is it that when you said you were sorry for making me undergo this you felt I was passing judegement and blaming you for all my sorrow. I was not. I just wanted to let my heart shout the truth. I do not blame you. I think it just happen that why. Love is blind I guess.
I just wanted you to care about me the same why I did to you. But this was my mistake. ONE CANNOT ASK ANYTHING FROM OTHERS. It is a matter of giving. As simple as that.

After this, I think that if I have the chance to meet him I do not know what my reaction would be. But, at least, I could say these things out loud. Love is something good. Do not run away or lose hope in it. Happy is the man who has found his or her love. I do not want to give up upon it. Hopefully, I will find mine.